R.I.P. Gunbarrel? (April 1 edition)

Has Gunbarrel seen its day? These words are reverberating throughout the area, as the forces of change swirled around the historic region.

“Violence, we see violence everywhere,” said one community member, who wished to be anonymous. “The name is horrible. I’m embarrassed. Why should I be reminded of it every time I tell my doctor to call in my prescriptions to the pharmacy in Gunbarrel.”

Maizey Camarillo, a recent California transplant who has a long career in urban planning said, “I could hardly believe my ears when he said the name. What planner in his right mind would name a community Gunbarrel?”

Lost in the chaos is how the area got its name. Before the land was developed, there was a ridgeline, which looked like the barrel of a gun: hence Gunbarrel. Who would have guessed that from such observations, come great controversy?

But what to call it instead? While the area has been called Boulder Lite in some publications, the City of Boulder has the easiest answer – call it Boulder.

“Just let us annex you,” City of Boulder Planning Bored Chair J. Putterman said. “It’s an easy process, really not painful at all. It would solve so many pesky problems, like making it easy for us to do whatever we want with land. We’d even put you at the bottom of the list for some road repair.

“And while we already have the business tax base, a few more houses and their property taxes would help our balance sheet. It’s the perfect PIG (Pilfer Illiberal Gunbarrel).”

How do long-time Gunbarrel residents feel about this?

“A PIG – my cloven foot. Something isn’t Kosher here,” said T. Lag. “The city is always trying to pull the pig skin over our eyes. From annexation to No BS (BioSolids) on Gunbarrel Hill, to land grabs for what should be open space, you can’t trust ‘em further than you can throw ‘em.”

All comments and name suggestions should be sent to HandsOffMyNeighborhood.org. Remember folks, keep it clean.