Significant controversy surrounds prairie dog social distancing measures

New measures by Boulder County to enforce prairie dog social distancing are facing blazing criticism from scientists and citizens alike.

The county commissioners last week announced the new decree, aimed at "helping the small creatures in our county show solidarity with the humans who have been enduring increasingly extreme social distancing and stay-at-home measures," according to Boulder County Manager Barbara "Red" Taype.

The measure, which calls for a $10,000 budget to build walls in county prairie dog holes, as well as increased Boulder County Parks & Open Space staffing for patrols of local prairie dog village areas, is being called "stupid" and "downright thick-headed" by prairie dog community activist Dawn Silvermoon.

Taype defended the measure in an exclusive interview with the "RightHand Valley Courier", saying, "Prairie dogs are known to carry plague, and God knows we don't need that on top of everything else we're going through right now as a county."

While prairie dog issues are known to raise controversy in Boulder county, this particular measure seems to be earning an unusual amount of ire.

"Every idiot knows prairie dogs can't get COVID-19" said Silvermoon. "This new effort is disrupting prairie dog community life and well-being with significant and destructive - not to mention unnecessary - construction projects in a sensitive habitat. I think it's part of a conspiracy to interfere with prairie dogs' natural mating habits. It's another cruel and thinly-veiled attempt at eradication."

Silvermoon continued, "Why are we spending money on enforcement efforts in prairie dog villages, at a time like this?"

University of Colorado Boulder professor of non-human mammalian linguistics Richard Cynonyms agrees. Cynonyms has dedicated his research efforts and 20-year career to learning and understanding the language of the prairie dogs.

"We're already seeing severe and lasting psychological damage on those prairie dog individuals in communities that are being forcibly social-distanced" said Cynonyms. "Nothing is more important to these lovely and complex animals than community interactions, so to speak, and we can't just go in and build walls between them without expecting to see profound impacts."

County Manager Taype disagreed, saying, "This really was an essential measure for Boulder County to take. We were faced with a decision to either let prairie dogs simply live their lives, or to enforce measures that mirror those we humans are having to endure."