Local psychologist and counselor to speak at 2022 TEDxCU

Upon losing her father in adolescence, Dr. Patti Ashley knew she wanted to be a counselor. Since then, she has earned degrees in special education, early childhood education and psychology. She has been a licensed, professional counselor since 2000 and in addition to developing courses for physicians, hospital wellness programs and others, she owns and operates Authenticity Architects. Next month, she will be bringing her 40 years of experience to the TEDxCU stage with her talk "Demystifying Chronic Not Enough-ness."

"I thought it was so odd that no one wanted to talk to me about [losing her father] and I was supposed to 'just be okay,'" said Ashley. "We have a real problem with mental health, I'm talking about the average person who doesn't know what they're feeling...sometimes we don't even know what to do with our feelings."

This disconnect may be because many try to analyze feelings, but find that impossible. "The head and the heart have to be in coherence, and we have to create feelings of love and compassion, which is really hard."

That's why Ashley is so interested in integrating "right-brained" exercises including creativity (like Mandala) and play into her research and practice. By working with both logic and emotion, Ashley claims that we may better understand and exist with feelings, positive or negative.

Underlying many negative feelings, Ashley has found, is a feeling of shame. She argues that because we, as a society, have limited "emotional literacy," and a limited emotional vocabulary, many of us don't recognize shame in our daily lives. "It's that feeling that 'I'm not good enough,' and we are all 'enough.' But we forget that because we think we're supposed to meet some sort of expectations."

Ashley studied this in-depth when she was pursuing her dissertation and studied mothers who felt as though they were flawed parents. She eventually wrote a book on the subject, but found that the women with whom she worked needed help reconnecting with themselves and to see that they weren't alone.

Feeling flawed and shameful is easy, and it's easy to pick out the things we don't like about ourselves. But Ashley wanted to explore what it is that we do like, what she sees as part of our "authentic selves." That's why she started Authenticity Architects. Like building a house, therapy takes time; she argues that rediscovering ourselves is a process, and one that takes a lot of patience and a willingness to learn.

"There's so much to explore in our inner selves...when we give ourselves permission to explore that and realize that we can change, we have a little more compassion for ourselves," she said.

It is this ability to change that is arguably most difficult to reconcile. Ashley looked to neurobiology, generational trauma and neuroplasticity to reevaluate shame and how to work through it. This is the focus of her TED talk and what she hopes people get out of the event.

"It's been a super fun ride," Ashley said with a laugh. She explained that speaking at the annual event was somewhat of a surprise. After seeing a post on social media calling for speakers, she filled out the application form on the spot, "which I never do," she said coyly.

So when the TEDxCU team requested that she audition, she was completely surprised. She expressed excitement about the event and about sharing her research with attendees. Eventually, she hopes to write a book "that's accessible for everyone to use," based on her experiences.

More information about Dr. Ashley, her work and Authenticity Architects can be found at https://pattiashley.com

TEDxCU will be hosted at the university on April 2.