Let's Talk About...Ordering Cocktails

OK. Many of us enjoy a cocktail now and then. Actually, now sounds pretty good.

Seriously, everyone has their first choice/go-to cocktail. You might order white wine, red wine, beer, gin and tonic, vodka soda or vodka Red Bull. Whatever. But let me tell you, the minute those words come out of your mouth, someone has just sized you up.

I have found that it's not how much you drink but what you drink that gets everyone's attention.

Wine? It is no longer just white or red. No, my friend, if it's white you have to call out whether it's a chardonnay, sauvignon blanc, pinot grigio, Semillon or a Riesling. Riesling? Is that still a thing?

If it's red, is it a merlot, malbec, cabernet, Bordeaux, burgundy (yes, there is a difference) or pinot noir?

Is it from Washington State (not just "Washington"), Napa, Sonoma, Paso Robles, Australia, Spain, Italy or, even Germany? Red blend? Well, tell me what grapes are in it.

Beer? The choices are endless. Are you going to order a Bud? Or will you designate a wheat, sour, amber, stout, lager, bock, dunkel or ale? Domestic or craft?

Margarita? Sazerac? Martini? Cosmo? Anything "on the rocks?" I know what you are thinking.

Landmines.

Trust me, whatever you decide, you are giving yourself away. You have just given your fellow happy hour participants an image of you that is hard to shake.

Let me tell you a story. When I turned 21 (having never had a drink before...Not), I couldn't wait to order a drink, but had no clue what to order. I dabbled in wine, margaritas, even a tequila sunrise.

But my drinking future changed the day my boyfriend took me to dinner with his very sophisticated parents for the first time.

We sat down, the waiter came over and asked if we would like to order drinks before dinner. I panicked. Is this a trick question? If I order a cocktail, will I seem like a lush? If not, would I not be a team player?

I looked up expectantly at who would soon become my in-laws. In unison, they nodded at me expectantly being the youngest female at the table, so first to order. I could hear them thinking, "Go first. This, we've got to see." Gulp.

So, I looked up, went through the short drink inventory in my head, and tried to calculate the right answer for the right impression. I blanked.

After a short pause, I blurted out with what I thought a confident voice, "I will have a strawberry daiquiri." I could practically hear the collective eyeroll at the table. I immediately knew I had made a mistake. But I had no idea what the right answer would have been.

I quickly learned. First, my future mother-in-law said, "I will have Johnnie Walker Black on the rocks with a splash of soda and a twist." My future father-in-law then said, "Glenfiddich, neat." My then-boyfriend followed with, "Dewars on the rocks, with a twist." Yikes! One of us just doesn't belong here.

Who were these people? Yes, I made an unconscious judgment (which turned out to be untrue) that this was a big drinking crowd. But more importantly, I learned:

1. Order spirits,

2. Call your drink, and,

3. Read the room.

I can be a quick learner, I thought. So, I put these lessons to use a couple months later.

I was a young attorney, maybe 24 years old. The senior partner at my firm who I worked with a lot asked me to lunch. I mean a scheduled lunch, not just, "Hey, you wanna go to lunch?"

The day came, I was carefully dressed in a blue silk business suit, my hair had a ridiculous amount of gel in it, and off we went to a very fancy swanky restaurant in Los Angeles. I thought, "I wonder if he wants to talk about my future with the firm or what."

So, we sit down on a beautiful garden patio (it's L.A.). I am a little nervous. The waiter arrives and asks, "What can I get you to drink?" Gulp. What to do? I thought, "OK, I've got this! I know this!"

I confidently looked at the server and said, "Johnnie Walker Black on the rocks with a twist."

Mistake.

The partner looked at me with a raised eyebrow and ordered a beer. Just "a beer, please." No calling his beer or anything. Geez. I forgot to read the room. You can't win.

I have learned that what you drink isn't who you are. It's just what you drink. Water. soda, tea, beer, wine, or strawberry daiquiris. Whatever it is, just own it, just don't let it own you.