Let's Talk About...Coffee

Ok. It’s that pumpkin spice latte time of year. Seriously, that’s a big thing. I guess when the weather gets colder, people just have a hankering for pumpkin. It used to be just pumpkin pie and pumpkin bread. Now it’s pumpkin candles, pumpkin sauces, pumpkin soup, pumpkin cheesecake, pumpkin muffins, and even pumpkin ravioli.

But let’s get back to that harbinger of the holiday season, pumpkin spice latte.

Remember when your choices for coffee were black or with cream and/or sugar?

That was it.

Today, you walk into a coffee shop, needing a morning pick-me-up, and are immediately overwhelmed with the choices you must make. By definition, you are tired so this is not an easy task.

Let’s unpack this a bit.

First, do you want coffee or espresso? Seems simple enough. You might just opt for that watered-down espresso called an “americano.” I ask, isn’t that just coffee then? What about that ever-popular cold brew or, even better, nitro cold brew? Chai maybe? Matcha? Chai and matcha aren’t even coffees - they are teas. And will it be “caf” or “what’s-the-point-decaf?”

Next, do you want single origin, organic, Arabica, Robusta, or “house?” Maybe French, Italian, Spanish, blonde, dark, or perhaps Turkish? You want to do the right thing here, but it is hard to know what that is. Drip, pressed or pour over? Wait, did I just teleport to Seattle?

Then, do you want an “additive?” I mean milks, creams, sugars, syrups. Here is where it really starts to get tricky.

Let’s start with the myriad of milk products. You can choose whole, skim (or as we like to say “skinny”), 2%, 1%, oat, soy, almond, half-and-half, or bring-it-on cream, either plain or whipped.

But it doesn’t stop there. Do you want it foamed? Steamed? And in what proportion? Do you want mostly steamed or mostly foamed? There are so many choices. Perhaps you are thinking a good old fashioned cappuccino, café au lait or café latte (what’s the difference you wonder)? Or maybe the cooler sounding cortado, macchiato, or flat white? I don’t know about you, but I am always confused at this point.

Ok, then you may want to choose a syrup. Syrup? Once you start with the syrups, your beverage starts moving away from coffee and starts down the smoothie/hot chocolate path.

Do you prefer chocolate, vanilla, caramel, peppermint, white chocolate, or coconut? Perhaps a delightful Irish cream, toffee, hazelnut, cinnamon, or watermelon. Sugar free?

Whipped cream on top? Frozen, iced or hot?

Pick your poison: sugar, stevia, Sweet’N Low, Equal, honey, agave, or “raw sugar,” which has no taste, so you may as well skip that one.

Wait, there’s more.

There are countless teas, hot chocolate, lemonades, and “Refeshers” which are basically cold fruit tea drinks. And why is Italian soda on the coffee menu? Coffee and soda sound incongruous to me. Then there are “Blenders,” or “Frappuccinos” which are basically high calorie milkshakes. For me, they are a meal that left the coffee back at the starting line.

And don’t forget all the clever names these concoctions bear. Names like Almond Joy, Cherry Bomb, Matcha White Russian, Salted Caramel Explosion, White Velvet, Cowboy Roughrider, or Gingerbread Oatmilk Chai. The marketing teams for coffee shops must have a field day coming up with mouth-watering names.

So, you stand at the counter, ready to shell out over $7.00 for a cup of coffee and are completely flummoxed.

Which gets us back to pumpkin spice latte.

Not only is it a seasonal drink (quickly followed by various peppermint candy options), but it is a complete lesson in chemistry and marketing. Ordering a pumpkin spice latte takes out all that tedious decision making and leaves that to the experts.

So, you order your drip coffee, no room, double sleeved, Apple Pay your $7.00 and throw in a piece of pumpkin bread to go. But I doubt anyone is waxing nostalgic for Sanka.