Let's Talk About...Self-Checkout

Ok. I consider myself a pro at supermarket shopping. I started "going to the store" for my mom since I could drive. Things have changed since then.

I recently went to the market and after frantically trying to find that particular chocolate brownie Quest bar my husband likes, the special kale and avocados my daughter prefers, and a jar of tahini so I don't have to make it myself, I was inevitability faced with the dilemma of how to check out and still make my dental appointment on time.

So, I looked at the options. I could stand in line behind someone with an overflowing cart, take my chances on the line with more people in it but fewer items, or get in line behind the lady who is about done but still fishing through her bag for all the coupons she brought with her.

I always pick the wrong line.

I then eyed the self-checkout area thinking there are ten kiosks and only three people waiting. I go for it.

I wait my turn while wondering, "Is there an item limit here because some people have a full cart in the self-checkout and that doesn't seem right to me." I watched the poor attendant going from kiosk to kiosk, clearing, scanning, and swiping her I.D. Is this really working?

Finally, it is my turn. I touched the screen to fire it up. It asked me to enter my frequent shopper number, and after that, I am ready to go. I put my purse down and turn to my cart and hear, "Please remove the item from the bagging area and scan your first item." I haven't put anything in the bagging area. I stood there not knowing what to do. The harried attendant comes over and explains I need to remove my purse and swipes the screen with her I.D.

Ok, I tried again. I put my bags in the bagging area. I hear, "Did you just put bags in the bagging area?" I push "yes." How did it know that wasn't a pack of gum in the bagging area?

I finally began checking out in earnest. After the Quest bar goes through and the jar of tahini makes it without a hitch, I put my kale on the scanner, and it prompts me to enter a code. The line is growing behind me at this point.

I look through the produce codes and whirl the cylinder to the "K" section. Well, there is kale, baby kale, organic baby kale, organic kale, curly kale, dinosaur kale (and their organic counterparts). Isn't all produce organic? I wonder which kale I chose.

Well, the handy tag attached to each piece of produce seems to be missing from my kale.

I guessed which kind of kale was in my cart and plugged the number into the machine. Apparently, I was off by a digit because it popped up on the screen as "bananas."

I looked around for the attendant. She was helping someone with three small kids untangle a bagging issue, so I wait. She eventually sees the desperation on my face, comes over, patiently explains that what I have on the scanner is not bananas, punches some numbers in the machine, swipes her I.D. and heads off to my neighbor.

So, I try again. This time, I choose the number for organic baby kale and carefully punch in the numbers. I am about to put my kale in the bagging area and freeze when the screen asks for a quantity. Quantity? It's just kale. One kale? The attendant comes over and explains I have to weigh my kale. No kidding, but it asked for "quantity." After we sort it out, I put my kale in the bagging area and the machine says, "Please remove the item from the bagging area and scan your item." Wait, I just did that!

Sure enough, the woman comes back over, swipes her card a few times and tells me to continue.

Dare I try to scan the avocados? Are they large, medium, or small? Are they organic? I just picked the ones that looked like they might be perfectly ripe by tomorrow.

Again, I whirl the cylinder to the "A"s, make my best avocado guess and punch in the number. This time I was ready for the quantity request and hit "3." The machine didn't yell at me this time, so I put my avocados in the bagging area.

Success!

But wait.

I made the grave error of picking up my avocados to put them in my bag. Whoops!

It turns out that "bagging area" is not the same as "in your bag." I hear, "Please return the item to the bagging area or scan your last item." But I did that already!

So, I decided to just ignore the computer and scanned my pack of gum. Boy, it didn't like that a bit. "Please see attendant" flashed once again. The poor woman looked at me like I must be from another planet with all the trouble I was having, explained my mistake, swiped her I.D., and hurried off to the next customer.

Finally, it was time to end my session and get on the road.

How do I want to pay? Is my phone considered a credit card? I will say it is. How many bags do I want to buy? None, but I thought the computer should already know that. I tapped my phone to the card reader. Wrong! It flashed, "Please swipe your card or insert into card reader." Ok, have it your way. I inserted my card into the card reader. Voila. It seemed to like that choice because paper receipts and coupons started spitting out from all over the place.

In the meantime, the man with the very full cart, the woman with the coupons and the guy with three kids had all left. Did I really save any time? Did the store really save any labor cost by hiring just one attendant who will undoubtedly quit before the end of the week? And most importantly, how late will I be for my dental appointment?

Sometimes old school is still the best school.