Let's Talk About...Boundaries

Ok. Back in my minivan days, my children would sit next to each other in the back seat. It was never long before I heard, "Stop touching me, Joey." This would be answered with, "I am not touching you."

"Yes, you are!"

"No, you are touching me!"

Then, "Mommm, make Joey stop touching me." I would then usually reply, "Both of you, sit on your hands!"

People feel strongly about their personal space. We have all instinctively taken one step back when someone talks too close to you. If someone sits too close to you on a bench, doesn't a little "red alert" pop up in your head?

Life needs boundaries to avoid backseat fights and seating chaos.

My first rule of personal space: Stay on your side of the bed.

Similarly, I was driving to work the other day and a Toyota Tacoma started drifting into my lane. I heard myself say, "Hey, stay in your lane, buddy!" It is true that lanes and respect for those lanes are important to keep us safe.

Lanes are like invisible fences. Fences are there to keep your dog in as well as keep other dogs out. Fences also draw a clear line between what is mine and what is yours. This is an important concept to keep the peace among neighbors. Especially when your tree is hanging over the fence into their yard.

Borders are so important to people that often language, customs, and religions differ depending on which side of the invisible line you are standing. One minute you are speaking French, and you walk a few feet and find you are speaking German.

What determines where those lines in the sand are drawn?

Many borders are determined by a river or other natural land mass. Other times, they are determined by political arbitrariness. For example, the northern border of the U.S. has both. It runs pretty smoothly along the 49th parallel (a manmade imaginary line) until interrupted by the natural wonder of the Great Lakes.

The Mexico/U.S. border, on the other hand, was largely determined by land ceded to the U.S. in 1848. Which of course goes to show how those all-important, worth-fighting-for-borders change over time.

Look at a map and notice the lines between continents and hemispheres. These are completely man made. Yet, living "in the East or "in the West" is defined by those lines. Ultimately, it is all perspective. If you go far enough west, aren't you in the East? I don't think there is a formal border for that. Except the International Date Line.

Animals and most of nature have figured that out. They are unconcerned with this very human concept because they have a decidedly different perspective.

Canadian geese fly from Canada to Mexico without even noticing the border crossings they breach. Rabbits run through my fence without a glance sideways. We all have seen coyotes hop a fence without a thought. To them, those kinds of borders are meaningless.

However, they know that the boundaries of personal space can sometimes determine survival.

Have you ever seen a flock of geese flying in formation? Geese, like people, appreciate the value of keeping a proper personal distance between each goose. They also instinctively know the value of teamwork and a proper "V" formation. Their food, warmth and safety depend on it.

Nonetheless, that migrating goose occasionally takes a break and may land on a fence.

Like the goose, when you find yourself sitting on a fence, ask yourself, "Is this a place of comfort or a barrier?

To be a true fence, boundary or border, though, gates are required for ingress. And egress. Staying on your side of the fence or on the fence is only good for so long. Who knows, sometimes, like the Berlin Wall, those fences come tumbling down.

Like personal space, fences, borders and their gates should be respected. Because sometimes staying on your side of the bed just doesn't make sense.

When all else fails, sit on your hands.