Let's Talk About...Mayonnaise

Ok. One of my New Year's resolutions is to "lighten up."

I can think of few better places to lighten up than discussing that poor maligned condiment that is often one of the first foods to be tossed out when going on an after-holidays diet.

Yes, I am talking about mayonnaise.

Either you love it or hate it.

Let me offer a little background. I love condiments of all kinds. I love mustard of every ilk, including Dijon, brown, spicy, yellow, and horseradish-filled. I love aioli, salad dressings, olive oil, ketchup, you name it.

I have been known to eat a sandwich of just condiments. Because for me, it is the condiments that make the sandwich. The meat, cheese, lettuce, and tomato are all just vehicles that deliver the condiments.

I have a friend that refuses condiments of all kinds on his sandwiches. For me, that is like scraping off the frosting on a cupcake.

The queen of condiments is mayonnaise. You may disagree, but I have good reasons for saying that.

Let me explain.

I came to know mayonnaise very late in the game. My mom would say we were eating mayonnaise in our tuna salad but what I didn't know was that she actually used Miracle Whip.

Miracle Whip, I came to learn, is not mayonnaise. The Miracle Whip jar clearly states that it is "dressing." I am not sure what "dressing" means, but it is not pure mayonnaise.

My mom would put Miracle Whip in tuna, potato salad, egg salad, and macaroni salad and blatantly call it "mayonnaise." (Except we pronounced it "mannays" and never said "mayo").

I believed her.

Until one day when I was about 8, I went to my friend Colette Ogle's house for lunch. Her mom made us tuna sandwiches. I took a bite and my life was transformed. What was this flavor? It was the most delicious tuna sandwich I had ever eaten, and I told Mrs. Ogle so.

I went home and told my mom. I said, "Mom, you have to ask Mrs. Ogle what she puts in her tuna. It was delicious!"

My mom asked Mrs. Ogle, who told her it was just tuna and mayonnaise. How could that be? If that was true, then it should taste just like my mom's tuna (tuna brands and oil vs. water aside).

The next time I went to Colette's house, I asked Mrs. Ogle to show me the mayonnaise jar.

What was this? It didn't look the same at all. I had been deceived for my whole life!

I went home knowing my mom had been hiding the truth all those years. I was chagrined.

What was she thinking? Miracle Whip is sweet, it has fewer calories, and back then it cost less. None of those factors made an impression on an eight-year-old girl. I had been duped. And I became an ardent convert.

Fast forward and mayonnaise became a staple in my house. As a poor college student, I would often only have condiments and maybe a hot dog bun in my apartment's kitchen. I remember eating mayo and mustard on a bun for dinner more than once.

I soon found like-minded mayonnaise aficionados. For example, I met a girl who ordered her Burger King Whoppers with extra mayo and then added at least 6 packets of mayo on top of that. She may have taken it too far. But who am I to judge?

Then there is the ongoing debate about which mayonnaise is best – Best Foods or Hellman's? Some people add Duke's to that equation. I do not. Duke's is cousin to the other two. But that is another issue.

On the other hand, my husband had never tasted mayonnaise until I met him. Coming from a Jewish household, mayonnaise was an ethnically charged food. No respectable Jewish deli offered mayonnaise as a condiment. Mustard, yes. Mayo, no.

It was bewildering to me. Didn't their egg salad and tuna salad have mayonnaise in it? I guess it was just something no one talked about.

My husband still isn't a big fan, but he likes Miracle Whip even less, so it works out.

Today people often think sour cream or Greek yogurt are suitable substitutes for mayonnaise. They are not.

You might get used to them and think they taste the same, but trust me, once you taste real mayonnaise again, there is no going back. It is like eating frozen yogurt instead of ice cream. You can tell yourself frozen yogurt is as good or even better than ice cream all you want. But once you taste ice cream again, it becomes crystal clear it's a whole different ballgame.

So, dollop on that mayo and don't accept any imposters.