Let's Talk About...Spousal Clothing

Ok. I was recently digging into that filing cabinet labeled "The Differences Between Men and Women," and stumbled upon that universal issue of getting dressed in the morning. Specifically, let's talk about men getting dressed at any time.

Disclaimer: I asked my husband if it was okay that I throw him slightly under the bus on this one, and he agreed because, well, it is humor that keeps a marriage alive. Or so they say.

So, with a gentle nudge onto the third rail, I offer him some observations and constructive criticism.

First, let's agree: There is nothing like a sharp dressed man.

So, what is up with my husband's clothing choices?

He has a closet full of carefully curated clothing for all occasions. "Carefully curated" by me.

That means I have hand selected well-fitting t-shirts, polos, sweaters, beautiful cardigans (not like Mr. Rogers'), well-tailored jeans, chinos, and dress pants. All without him setting one foot into a store. I assure you, this was no small task.

With all he has to choose from, why does he inevitably reach for the same two pairs of pants, a striped sweater and an old plaid shirt with a frayed collar from the Gap?

I will tell you why.

They are hanging in the front of the closet. The easiest place to reach.

Same with undershirts. I have to put the ones on the bottom of the drawer on the top or he would wear the same two undershirts every day.

What is this game we play? I want to encourage his self-expression while at the same time try to stop him from going to work looking like a bagman.

So, I move things around. Naturally, he rediscovers that frayed shirt and the jeans with the oil stains and off he goes. Does he notice the clothes with tags still on them? No.

Why should I care what he wears?

There are a myriad of reasons, but the main one is that he should feel good about how he looks. Even though clothes may not "make the man," they sure help.

Let me share a story.

We recently went to a memorial service. He wanted to wear a suit. Now, suits haven't been worn in our house, or in Boulder County, since before the pandemic. And if you recall, one of the pandemic tasks was to clean out your closets. I apparently cleaned out all of his suits, because he came downstairs in a baggy, tired looking dark gray suit that probably dates back to 2005. He looked like he was wearing a hand-me-down from his dad. It actually might have been a hand-me-down from his dad.

I raised an eyebrow, but figured he is an adult and can make his own choices. I also admonished myself for missing that one in the purge. And off we went.

So "grandpa" and I attended the memorial service. But after we got home, that suit went straight into the giveaway bag.

This is the same guy whose mother tagged all of his clothes in college like they were Garanimals after remarking that he was "dressed like a Christmas tree." I haven't resorted to that. Yet.

It is a losing battle.

I realize I also care about what he wears because 1) I like clothes, 2) I want him to look his best, and 3) It is time to grow up.

I admit I like clothes. Well-fitting, in-style clothes are preferred.

I want him to look his best, but, as I advised our daughter when she decided to get married, consider whether that wish/hope is for his benefit or your's.

For example, I iron blue jeans and I don't put sweaters in the dryer. I know...call me crazy.

Does my husband benefit from those acts? Yes.

But if I am being honest, I am really ironing his jeans for me, not for him. I like the look of well pressed jeans. So, I don't mind that he doesn't notice except when I see him wearing freshly laundered, ironed jeans while cleaning out the garage.

And as far as growing up goes, I hate to say it, but once you reach about 26 years old, those old college t-shirts and ancient 501s need to go. (Except for some classic concert T's).

In other words, there comes a point when it is time to graduate from Target and head off to Banana Republic.

All that said, in my husband's defense, I have diagnosed him with color blindness and general fashion-blindness, so it is not his fault that he is sartorially challenged.

Needless to say, that plaid shirt has mysteriously disappeared from his closet. He never noticed.